They're not pedophiles, they're Catholic priests.

Ok, those of us in production who are not pedophiles include (but are not limited to):
arch, ernie, cnott, graeme, cory, byron, skilla, sang, ryan and brent.

queenie says i'm a pedophile because ive got a picture of my friend's baby girl (bernice) on my desk. i dont know what she's thinking. lilli, i'm so very disappointed in you. you've known the production boys for how long? exactly which one of us ISNT a pedophile?

I ate a pink hamburger at work today, and I'm not talking about female genitalia.

(ok you fucksticks, I'm not talking about male genitalia either)

Seeing a movie like Amelie reminds me that my favourite movies are usually not made by George Lucas and employ smart and witty writing instead of painful lines like I'd catch amelie in the theatres while it lasts. Playing this week at the hollywood and Vaneast.

In the meat snack olympics, Vancouver would easily place first with Jimmy's chinese style beef jerky, as well as Soo's Singapore style jerky being produced here.

The contenders from amsterdam tend to be made up of 50% fat and are flavored with a lot of nasty tasting chemicals.

Since Ernie hasn't posted anything interesting in nearly a week I've reached back into the WayBack machine and pulled out the Skirt Man. Check out the dating resume and the pictures of himself.

Oh yes and this classic as well. (Edit: Link changed, works now)

Uhhhh... I can not care cos I tend not to eat my own spunk...

not only does this make you taste good, it also lowers your cholesterol and "helps in the development of healthy dream states".

they also are "derived using fruit powers like cranberry and others". let's just face it, how can you NOT want a product like this?

This is me at tinseltown saturday with brent after seeing an ultra-smoooo japanese girl there.

(when I say ultra, I mean like all five power ranger megazords combining together to form the ultra megazord Ultra).

Pedophiles rejoice! Abercrombie and Fitch is now making thongs for kids.

Now you can imagine that 10 year old you just kidnapped is a ripe 14 years of age.

(shout out to britney spears for the continuing slutification of america)

I thought I had found an easy way to live a wholesome and good life but after a few days of trying this out, I've been informed that I've got a pretty poor idea of what Jesus would actually do.

I had figured son of god or not, any dude with a moustache who always wore robes would try for anal on the first date.

(shit, if I believed in god I'd be going to hell for this one)

I can't believe it's not lemon chicken!!!!

Ernie, Ryan and I went to this crazy Buddhist restaurant last night. They had vegetarian lemon chicken that tasted better than the real thing. They even had veggie shrimp, veggie deep fried prawns and veggie quail! That was nuts. The best was one of their fried rices which was called "Nuts Fried Rice". Pass the "Crazy Ass Soup" please.

Oh yeah, I've been laid off. Give me a job.

Spacemoose is enjoying a revival in popularity, so here's another classic.

Simply brilliant.

I wanna bust a double horizontal on your ass.

Somehow today I ended up with a sore jaw and a sore right arm today.

And no, If I had gotten those the way everyone thinks I would have at least made a few bucks along the way.

Some of the female viewers at home might have some concerns about me being a little nuts due to content found here on this blog, So here's a little guide for you ladies.

All the cool stuff you read here that makes me seem like a normal, decent, even cool person is all true. Every last word of it.

All the freaky nasty shit that would make you wanna take the long way around my desk... it's all made fabricated purely for entertainment purposes.

Here's a little something that brought an angry Gay and Lesbian club at my college to my desk at the school paper after I published it.

Seems I had a much different idea what was offensive than most people.

Ernie just sent in an application to this place.

Why was I MIA tonight?

Sometimes I run
Sometimes I hide
Sometimes I'm scared of you
But all I really want is to hold you tight
Treat you right, be with you day and night
Baby all I need is time
- britney spears

Al, until you beat my idea of taking a dump while skydiving wearing only a jockstrap and a chute, you're still gonna be the rookie freak on this blog.

while driving queenie home tonite, we were discussing how big, butch, agressive ppl are more likely to be harmless. often, they'll yelling, cuss, and/or give you a nasty demeaner; this is how they vent their frustration. now, skinny lil fkers? they take it all in, and when it comes time for the volcano to explode, hell hath no fury.

this isnt too far from what brent and ebin where discussing. my lack of knowledge about being a perv? no no... i could quite possibly be the biggest perv they know, they just dont know it.

What a thursday night. Alongside the company covering the expense of getting drunk at Dix, Sang took us to the "Country Pub" where Ryan and I demonstrated our abilities to suck at pool and sang bought drinks for some fine looking people (fine in the loosest sense imaginable).

We finished the night at fritz where a single hot dog sandwich made me feel pretty nasty after drinking more beer than I ever do (that's not much, since I usually drink "faggy" drinks like fruity martinis).

After waking up at 7am today I'm as tired as shit and feel like I'm gonna puke cos when it comes to drinking these days I'm pretty much a pussy.

We also ate balls today for the first time since Taz left for ams. I think we all miss taz's balls.

That brings up a good point. While discussing with allan his lack of knowledge about being a perv and all that it entails, brent referred to us (brent and I) as pervs and pigs at which I took offense.

I may be a perv, but I'm not a pig. I prefer to think of myself as a "Gentleman Pervert".

And no the previous post isn't evidence of a conscience, it's evidence that I don't want to eat black pepper beef and shit stirfrys.

Who the fuck said we were done talking about masturbation?

Are we developing a conscience here? Cause if we are then this site sucks ass.

I've been reading Fast Food Nation and I'm in awe of the facts of meat production. In the states (and possibly canada?) they feed beef cattle everything from sawdust and newsprint to dead chickens, and sometimes just plain old chicken shit.

Untrained workers pull intestines from cattle carcasses and often spill semi-ripe cow feces on the meat which becomes your next big mac or whopper and e-coli can make you shit blood for a week. (rectal bleeding is only funny or cute under the right circumstances).

Ryan and his wife are vegetarians for moral reasons, but I think the idea of not eating shit with my beef provides for a stronger case. Trying out a veggie burger at BK tonight didn't seem like such a bad idea.

That's it. Now you're going to die.

What do you think the plan was for UltraFashionPorn? FAP, FAP, FAP. Once I get my wireless hub I'm taking my iBook into the can with me. I'll watch video porn while I FAP, FAP, FAP.

Who the fuck said it was time to stop talking about jerking off and time to start bitching about bad internet?

This site is making it's rounds on the icq/email circuit. Great if you've ever wanted to see a jimmy (note for allan: jimmy is another term used in reference to a dong, wang, or pope [or more explicitly, a penis]) wearing outfits other than just the standard hat. Think christmas sweater.

The assholes at UltraFashionPorn still redirect Mozilla users b/c it thinks they're Netscape 4 users. Even worse they don't have a contact link for me to tell that they're a buncha of fucking assholes for not updating their browser detect. Even worse is that their detect doesn't run till the page is loaded - a page that works just fine in Mozilla

I'm gonna get in my taxi and run them over. Maybe then they'll stop being such stupid fucks.

If anyone does happen to know what it is that Meatloaf won't do for love, I'd love to know.

Oh and Al, Hyedie recommended Hot Dog Press as a good J-bate mag a few months back if you're still looking.

6:30am and i wake up to an ICQ message from my friend in NYC "monkey, if you're interested, i know a few girls that might just be compatible with you. you dont NEED to buy bate mags, dude."

opposed to popular believe, ive got a perfectly legitemate reason for having this japanese magazine; none of which are 'bate' related. you see, north american magazines are emulating this very apparent swiss design that offers a visually simplistic feature and... ...

aww,,, who am i kidding? ernie, you're giving me added stress. now i gotta go get me a new bate mag.

While talking to allan who seemed mildly concerned about appearing on our lovely gameshow here, I figured:

"I embarass the shit out of myself for the sake of humor daily, so I might as well embarass people I know."

Take note. If you associate with me you're bound to end up here.

Allan hit Iwase and bought a copy of JJ (and some other one he can't remember the name of), which is a lame mag to get off on. Seemed like a mag full of beauty tips for 30 something japanese females.

Dunk seems to be a safe bet. Best I can figure, its aimed at middle aged japanese men, featuring no articles and many pictures of teenaged japanese girls (with no nudity). This is what I commonly refer to as a "bate mag".

While looking for no-cd cracks for ryan, I came across an ad banner for a site with russian brides.

I found one that I want to order up. She's 18 and has a nice pussy.

Copy protection on PC games is a waste of time. All it does is piss off legit game owners who have to keep their cds in their drives. I usually just grab a no-cd patch from the warez sites just so I can leave my cds in a stack on my desk while I play NEW GAME!. The only games that seem to be pirate resistant are online games with keys, which usually don't require the cd anyway (which makes me happy).

As arch said, "i bet the guys that are in charge of the copy protection are guys in suits and bald spots. they know nothing about gaming. they're all business."

Ernie likes to call himself the "Skilla-Killa". I think he's just going to get his ass kicked in one of these days.

Graemmey reports that we didn't win the lotto. I think the guy at dodi market misheard us when we asked for the winning numbers.

Fear not, next week we'll be able to take home $2.4Million each.

Taz mentioned that alex talked like I do. Sang's been spreading my mental herpes all over the place.

For the record, elitetek™ is mine.

Ernie now wants to change careers. (via Metafilter)