Happy birthday Brent.

<arnold>you son of a bitch.</arnold>

Seems erin and zerlina don't consider male nipples to be erogenous zones, considering they failed to live up of their promise to reciprocate on whatever me and taz would get up to a la american pie 2.

We did get erin to lick zer's ass though which was cool enough but with all the work I put into playing with taz's nipples, we were really expecting more.

I'm glad I passed on the option to cup his balls, cos I don't think they would have followed through on that.

as for erin's friend kelsey:
<martin yan>ohhhhhhhhh look at dis... mahvelous...</martin yan>

A stack of us hit shabusen for the yakiniku experience today where I was reminded that "all you can eat" should really be treated as "all you should eat" after the seven of us (plus a baby) consumed 20 orders of assorted meats.

Add up all the sushi, sashimi, karaage, tempura, tofu, and other assorted dishes we had and it seemed like a truly gluttonous experience.

Good thing we plan on getting together again and drowning those meat calories in alcohol tonight.

Going to bed way too late last night made for some really wacky dreams.

Dream one had me fighting a deli owner gladiator style (he looked like the old champion who comes back to fight maximus) to win free lunch. I kicked his ass but spared his life. Seems I was fighting him with a chinese cleaver. I also tipped the cute cashier five bucks, because I was that slick.

Dream two had me on vancouver island when north korea lets loose with the nukes. For some bizarre reason I steal a Star Wars Imperial spacecraft to escape but only after checking out some new tv's at a little shop inside the star destroyer. I flew this weird pod out of the ship but end up walking around using the shell as a shield of some type. Some guy was also selling curry chicken sandwiches out of a pickup while people fled on foot to the ferry terminal.

If I had a clone, I wouldn't worry about eating my way to a heart attack cos I'd have some perfectly compatible organs to harvest for a transplant.

I stopped by Toys 'R' Us to pick up a jumbo ernie for myself after liking the one I got for my cousin so much and got to experience first hand another boxing day.

We dropped into futureshop for no good reason and was pretty amazed to see people grabbing as much as they could to buy even though a lot of the items were not on sale. It seems all you need to do is implant the idea into people that they might be saving regardless of whether they are or not for them to enter a consumer frenzy. (other observations of the scene: smooo!)

I did see the Two Towers this morning to start the day and now I'm kinda torn between Liv Tyler's Arwen and Orlando Bloom's androgynous Legolas as the elf I'd want to do most. I'm sure from behind, you couldn't even tell.

For those of you that didn't get my christmas e-card, here it is.

Feedback ranged from "it was kinda queer" to "that was pretty gay". Glad you all enjoyed it.

In case anyone was still trying to find me a last minute christmas present, I want a pony.

If you can't get that, don't bother. I'll only be disappointed.

My asshole brother thought it would be a good idea to buy one of my cousins books for christmas rather than toys. (I bought her an easy bake oven last year).

I'm glad I'm not the one who will have made one of them cry this year while the other kids are playing with their 'new gaim'.

I have an intimate love/hate relationship with nyquil.

The cherry flavor tastes more like spoiled ass than cherries, but when I'm sick there's nothing else that can give me a good night's sleep like it can. I was barely able to turn my tv off last night before it put me in a ten hour coma.

On a day trip years ago in seattle, ren had a slug of nyquil and asked me if it had looked like a proper dose. I didn't think it did so he took another swig which resulted in a overly emptied looking bottle. He was pretty high for the rest of the day as we rode monorails, watched fish fly across the market, and ate Ivars.

I did some christmas shopping for my eight young cousins today and was disappointed to see Toys 'R' Us filled mainly with crap and in many cases, overpriced crap.

I try to buy them stuff that even I find interesting, but found the only two things I really wanted there were two sm'smoo lizzadies shopping there at the same time. I did evetually pick out two large ernie and bert plushies for the youngest two (ernie and bert while being repressed closet homosexuals are totally cool with me).

I figure the rest will get gift certificates, or coffee makers and toaster ovens. Kids love that shit.

Jimmy sent over this story of a school that inspected their student's anuses to try and catch a rogue defecator.

It could only be more bizarre if a student had told the teachers to "ask his ass" about the incident before the search.

Quite a few years ago on new years eve, ted, ren and I had just returned back to my place and got out of the car when a fellow by the name of Mahen drunkenly asked for a ride home. It was ren's car so I looked to him and he looked at me, and somehow we all piled back into the car with this stranger with a large brown paper bag.

Mahen lived only a few blocks away we learned as he offered us some of the open wine he had in the paper bag. We figured a five to ten minute trip to get this fellow home would be a nice deed, but he then insisted that we stop somewhere for him to buy a scratch and win bingo ticket. He explained that he needed to scratch these lottery tickets while naked in bed with his wife. As much as we loved the idea of him naked in bed with his wife scratching lotto tickets, we were rather interested in getting our drink on and blessing the porcelain altar no more than two hours into the new year.

The first gas station we stopped at (which was supposedly quite near his place) didn't have the bingo tickets that would be the key to being naked with his wife, so he insisted that we take him to another gas station. We were itching to get our puke on, so we gave him a choice. Lotto tickets or a ride home. He argued some more and eventually we made our way to another gas station, this one only a block away from where we started in the first place. He turned to ren, said "you wait here while I get the bingo" and as he was three steps out the car, ren dove over to the passenger side, pulled the door closed, righted himself in his seat, and sped away leaving poor naked bingo-less mahen at the gas station.

The point of this story? I don't know. I just find it to be an odd and fascinating tale.

The inanimate holiday e-card has been sent out and if you didn't get one, it means I don't like you that much.

Or it could also mean that I just forgot you when I sent them out this morning.

It's nice to have female friends who can help you out along the path of life.

For instance, Ai pointed out today that maybe it's best that I don't email nice girls that I meet with diagrams of what I want to do with them.

Maybe they'll write me back now.

All I want for christmas is a huggy jesus.

update: Actually, screw huggy jesus, I want a 45cm domo.

How is it that the american media finds more value in sean penn's opinion of potential war than that of political scientists, economists, or military analysts? I have a feeling it has something to do with his powerful and skillful portrayal of a retard in I am Sam.

unrelated: Go play the Domokun angry smash fest. Soy good.

pastiche

It's interesting how often people will mispell public servant.

Yngwie unleashes the fury. I would also choose a guitar as my weapon versus a three headed dragon.

My new keyboard is awesome. I just push the little buttons on it, and the letters show up on the screen. Technology is grand.

It seemed that when people said that it was ok for men to cry, they didn't mean in public.

It also seems that crying is especially not ok if it was because you just pee'd yourself in public.

Sometimes when I'm riding the bus and some dude has their crotch twelve inches from my face, I really wish I had something to read.

I said it to allan tonight, and it's worth repeating.

The plot outline for End of Days doesn't really inspire me to buy, rent or even to watch it on tv. You'd think the boys at the onion wrote that as a joke plot.

taz sends word of apple's new limited edition music celeb endorsed ipods. For only $50US more than usual, they'll etch some rich asshole's name on the back of your shiny new pod.

Completely unrelated, I'll be tattooing my name onto people's backs for $50 for the rest of the week.

As much as klak would disagree (pepé), this is without doubt the coolest alarm clock evar!

Kelly was looking for christmas card ideas and somehow I remembered "braulio", a talking penis used to promote condom use in brazil years ago. I'm still not sure how I made that association with christmas, but Braulio did win an award called the "macho of the year". I don't know where I'm going with this. Maybe this just illustrates that I'm a repository of the most useless information known to mankind.

It's way past bedtime (my employer has a thing about wanting me in the office before noon) and my brain is flying at a hundred miles an hour. The thoughts are like buckshot flying out of my shotgun head right now.

I tried watching some foodtv to help me sleep but Gordon Elliot's door knock dinners was on. Normally his show can be tolerable but he had Iron Chefs Morimoto and Michiba on and had to make like an ass and make a big deal out of showing off the teriyaki sauce bottle they found in the pantry. "Wow, look. These guys are aaaaaasian.". I'da shanked him with an eight inch global if that were me.

I thought my new space invaders banner was pretty sweet until I realized it was thrice as big as cnott's actual working game. His invaders also move their legs while mine don't. Bastard.

I'm also beginning to think that mistake five years ago and half a two-six of vodka gave me an ulcer. It was either that or the strawberry banana colada I picked up from sev that gave me delerious visions and the inability to eat for a week.

I've been eyeing the instant yakisoba kit known to me only as "bagoooon" for a long time now, and finally broke down and picked it up.

All the superstar athlete ads on tv can't convince me to buy a pair of nike's again, but that little smiling face and that explosion of yellow goodness from behind the noodles was too much to resist. It looked like they were able to package a box of fun and sell it for the low low price of $2.99, so I caved.

Having this box of fun handy isn't going to change me immediately though. I'm going to make pasta for dinner tonight and save the bagoooon for a rainy day, when fun looks like it's slipped away for good. Them BAM!!! Bagoon fun. I can't wait.

update: Peter tells me the green star on the bagoon box exclaims "Cabbage Volume UP!", further raising my expectations for excitement. If I didn't slack off so much during my 3 years of japanese classes and only bothered learning to say things like "I have diarrhea / geri desu", I probably could have told you that myself.

this day in icq: Thank god for my .com millions.

So like I sez, I go to chinatown a lot searching for asian films and one of the best parts is seeing some of the horrible packaging some of the pirates come up with. There's been a stack of movies that have multiple competing Hollywood studio logos on them that also say "Walt Disney Ppesents" (sic), and then go on to list completely unrelated hollywood stars.

Tina lent three to my brother and not only are they even cheaper looking than the worst ones I've bought (no dvd case at all, just a resealable plastic bag thing), one called 'cyclo' which seems to be a vietnamese romance says on the cover: The description on the back seems to be about Pollock, but it lists the cast of antitrust. Brent once pointed out that some places didn't have anyone that knew english at all, so the description would just be nothing but (horribly) greeked text (complete keyboard jibberish).

The next brutal joke of the internet comes alive.

Kids (and me I guess) can be so mean sometimes.

I've decided to start a service of breaking up with your significant other for you.

For $200 plus expenses, I will meet your SO in person, recount up to three memorable events of your relationship ($30 extra per event over three, $50 to retrieve any personal belongings from your SO under 20lbs) and break the news to them gently. A parting hug is another $40.

If I get beaten by your SO, there will be an additional fee of $100.

I can't put my finger on why I can't come up with anything good lately for the blog. Maybe it's just the downturn of my blogging career.

If this drought doesn't let up, I'll be co-blogging with Jean Claude Van Damme or Steven Seagal soon.

Friday was buy nothing day so I went and picked up a dvd. I tend to jerk off in the face of buy nothing day because I think its an ineffective method of spreading the message of smart and informed consumerism.

I do though seem to have an addiction to buying dvds, particularly asian cinema that I have trouble finding for rent locally. I think I've been averaging two visits to chinatown a month to find new movies, and I'm always at aznfilms.com and kfccinema reading up on new films to hunt down.

Korea has been releasing some pretty amazing films, rivaling some hollywood films in production quality but they also seem feature some pretty ridiculous plot lines that are filled with holes of logic akin to american foreign policy. I tend to have a much lower tolerance these days for movies that have scenes that force me to say out loud "why the fuck would you do that?". I don't need my movies to view like documentaries but when you see swat team members try to take cover behind a fifty gallon aquarium, you start to wonder if the director was taking anything seriously that day of filming. (do avoid shiri)

Luckily, korea has gems like Volcano High which is goofy, silly, and a lot of fun, or Nabi which is a sad, beautiful and moving film.

unrelated: today was world aids day and I didn't catch it. win.