If Internet Explorer 5.x on the mac was a person, I would have kicked his ass so many times over by now.

If god really wanted me to believe that s/he existed, s/he would send someone other than a middle aged white guy to my door with crappy magazines.

Today, I hate my job.

That fact in itself doesn't make me any different from most everyone I know. Jobs are the suck. It's what you go to and do so that you can go home afterward to be away from it.

I like the people I work with and I like the problem solving nature of my job, but the conditions I enjoy those two things under is akin to being allowed to eat ice cream in return for a cockpunch for each spoon I have. There's always the lotto, but I think my chances of throwing coins into a pond and having my wish come true are better than those of the Super7.

It's too bad that being pervertedly funny in my free time doesn't pay well.

addendum : I try never to bitch about work here, but I think the breaking point tonight was having to pass on korean bbq for dinner because I had work to do. Getting between me and meat burns bridges like no fire hell has ever spawned.

I'm beginning to understand why some of allan's friends who read my blog think I'm nuts.

It seems allan has a habit of translating my sarcastic "completely the wrong thing to do" suggestions to his friends as serious ideas. So pics of his friend nicole won't get posted, cos that's just weird.

Totally not weird on the other hand, is me getting a little taste of fran. Like michael jackson says, it's purely innocent and sweet.

update : Yeah it looks like I've got my hand on his throbber, but it's not. Really. It's not like that.

on seeing a smoo eat a satay skewer at tropika:

You come here, your jaw drops and you think/say "what a crazy perv" but you keep coming back.

That's cos you love it.

Fun with IM.

The morning trip to work had me questioning my t-shirt based slacker fashion sense when I saw a guy wearing a camouflaged top and pant combo.

Not only would I be invisible to the untrained eye in camo, but those who could see me would realize that I live a tough urban lifestyle. This will easily be chapter four in my upcoming book, "Twelve Steps to Being Totally Awesome".

unrelated : A post project get-together at the commodore lanes tonight where we ate, drank and bowled the difficult to score game in our lysol scented neon laced shoes gave proof to the idea that five pin bowling alleys are bad places to meet women on a monday night. I'll stick to the ten pin lanes on tuesday nights to pick up from now on.

To think that picking up one good dvd yesterday (infernal affairs) made for a great day, I also picked up "story of ricky", the story of ricky oh (of course) who goes to prison for killing some dude, and who then flips out and kills many more dudes.

The Story of Ricky is insane. People mutate and are forced into huge meat grinders in the prison kitchen during bizarre and hilarious fights featuring bad kung fu, and cheap but fun special effects. Various people get their heads punched open and as illustrated in this clip, bodies come apart like squashes. So ridiculous, it could be the funniest movie ever. EVAR!!!

I'm not big on writing reviews, since I best express my enthusiam for things while jumping up and down and waving my arms around when talking about the things I love, but here's a shot at one.

Infernal Affairs could well be the best police movie I've ever seen. I actually sat up in my seat for over half of the movie and it didn't insult my intelligence like most action/suspense movies I've seen. The story and acting were superb, and I'm stunned how much I enjoyed this movie. It's intense to the point where I feel like I just ate my own elvis platter at memphis blues ($58 worth of bbq meat and sides).

It's amazingly gripping, intelligent, and shot beautifully. It joins Amelie and Moulin Rouge easily in my top five movies evar! (it's available at various asian dvd shops for $30)

While we're talking about good things : Tropika was excellent for a malaysian meal tonight. Every item I tried there tonight was fantastic, blowing away the more expensive, fancy, unique, but ultimately unexciting flavors of Zin last week.

Michael Jackson's son is pale and blonde? He needs to go back to grade nine science class and get his learn on.

To say goodbye to our ex-coworker graeme we did as is newly customary and drank, ate, and looked at boobies.

I think the loudest and most sincere cheering was when one dancer started doing pull ups on a horizontal bar, and again when she did one armed push ups. It was somewhat like watching a naked version of 'that's incredible'.

I also realized tonight that of all the things I would pay a woman to do to me, scratching my back just about tops the list.

I had to dig around my paperwork drawer to find my chequebook since it's rrsp time. It seems it's the only time of year that I ever use it since cheques are horrible relics of a pen and paper banking system.

Despite that remark, I still always carry cash owing to the fact that I deal with chinese businesses regularly enough to know that you'll never become a preferred customer while toting only credit cards around. When the store has signs that say "we pay the tax", they mean "we" in the national tax payer sense and not "we" as in the shop keepers.

It seems strangely unhip and even anti-fightclub for me at age twenty-four to be craving to settle down in an ikea-esque plastic zoo. I want to get off work at a reasonable hour, go home to a loving wife, make dinner, watch some foodtv or a dvd, listen to music, crawl into bed before 1am, do the half turn to kiss the wife goodnight and wake up to a good cup of coffee (medium/dark, cream and sugar).

For a guy whose brain acts as a incubator for retardartion and insanity, I am a bore.

While I was laughing at eric for going to see 'How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days' with tina, he tried to defend himself by saying that paul had gone to see 'A Guy Thing' with her the week before.

I'm gonna see if she wants to see 'Where and when did I lose my balls' with me next weekend.

After working past ten to make the internet work, I somehow ended up at fantacity; a korean karaoke joint (smoooo!) where I consumed too many double black russians to soothe my throat while doing my own rendition of andrew antone's 'Can't help falling in love'.

The midi based karaoke machine was horrible, the vocals were reverbed to death, the room got a bit hot and stinky, but it was good times and we're going back.

unrelated : Volcano High (whas san go) is playing at the denman cinema tomorrow a 1:20pm. It's good fun if you missed it at the film fest.

I hate not having anything to post, but I blame it on my decision to work a fourteen hour day.

It may seem bizarre, but I got a free meal out of working those extra six hours. So if I break it up, it's like I made $2/hr after my normal salary based eight hour day, or I saved the $3-4 of raw materials it would have cost me to make dinner.

With this and my credit card plan, retirement seems right around the corner.

I recently changed my credit card plan to a cash back rewards plan that gives me a 0.5% return. That means for every $1,000,000 I spend, I get back $5,000.

Now when I buy on my card, I'm actually making money rather than spending it.

Ted got me caught up on a girl from high school who's taiwanese gangster fiance treats her bad and cheats on her, but made up for it with a $40k engagement ring.

Where have all the good men gone? Oh yeah, they're the ones laughing at you.

I was shocked to see my brother holding four packages of chicken flavored Mr. Noodles in his hand at the safeway. Asians aren't supposed to buy Mr. Noodles; they're made by white people to trick other white people into thinking they were eating asian food. They even have a flavor called "oriental" which proves they know nothing about asian foods, since all our food tastes oriental.

I can't believe I posted the banner ryan made up there. That's just fucking horrible.

I should make sure to limit the invites to creating content for this site next time. I just look absolutely horrible as a "cum slut".

Sang was commenting on how some people often pine for people or things on their blogs.

I don't fall into that category myself. I yearn. Big difference.

For rent :
Bed warmer for cute girls. Three modes of operation; snuggle, cuddle or spoon. $50/night. Answers to the name ernie.

I'm beginning to think that letters to the editor in the vancouver province purposely follow the same entertainment formula as the american idol auditions.

People seem hell bent on pointing out the obvious and attaching their name to it for everyone to see, perfectly happy to become quasi-famous for nothing better than their mediocre mental ability.

Yes, I have a superiority complex. It comes from being smarter than everyone else.

So the chinafest over at the PNE grounds turned out to be a new year's craptacular. It seemed fitting seeing how one of the most important ways to celebrate the lunar year and hope for prosperity is by selling each other tons of useless crap.

It was basically a really bad asian flea market where people peddled dried meats (not the good kinds. Think penises and geoduck), cell phone face plates, and herbal drinks. The lack of smoos was also terribly disappointing, but I did walk away with a throw cushion that looks like a nissin ramen bag.

unrelated : I usually revel in evil, but the coupons I saw in the province yesterday actually bothered me. Free Coffee and Donut coupons for senior citizens at various casinos were printed up and endorsed by the BC lotto corp. It's just wrong to attract old people into money pits with free coffee and donuts, because their minds have just decayed to the point where they can't tell they're being tricked.