[13:57] arch: she's pretty much out of my league
[13:58] evil jesus: i have to work solely on chicks out of my league, since my league sucks.

The only thing I learned from her was how weak I still am.

While sitting down to watch schindler's list, I thought for a moment that it might be a bit odd to munch on popcorn during such a film or alternately, eat a beef burrito supreme during a viewing of the Passion of the Christ.

On the other end of the spectrum, cheetos coupled with porn can make for really embarassing situations.

There's a Clubhouse seasonings ad on tv here which ends with a kid asking his granddad "So why did grandma marry you then?" in response to him saying it wasn't his cooking. The grandfather just looks at him for a moment at which point the kid grins wildly and says "whoa!".

All I can figure is that he's hinting to his grandkid that he's got a huge cock. If someone knows better, tell me.

edit: ceebz seems pretty sure it's grandpa's endurance in the sack that he's hinting at. Either way, this commercial is nuts.

Does anyone else miss the McRib as much as I do?

Allan is telling me that this is a man.

Despite that fact, popular opinion amongst those I know still says "we'd hit it".

The coolest hi-tech invention I've heard of in a long time.

I woke up saturday (mildy hungover) from a dream where I had just begun to swallow a shard of glass in my drink.

It seems waking up rather parched from boozing and partying (oh, and maybe the dennys meal at 3am) does not make the haunting sensation of swallowing glass go away any faster.

I'm growing a vacation beard right now because I can. It's currently half way between shitty and gross.

Can anybody explain the tv show Kung Fu to me? Is David Carradine's character supposed to be a chinky? Or is he just a white dude who watched too many Bruce Lee flicks?

How am I baffled by such a stupid show?

It seems many girls don't quite understand the male obsession if seeing two girls make out, so I'm going to attempt to shed some light on the situation.

You see, when there are two women making out instead of one woman and one man, there are two pairs of boobies involved. That's good enough for most of us.

Note to self:
Bring new toothbrush to work on monday.

Because I'm a geek, this new sony camera/phone coming out is totally giving me a boner. (thanks taz).

I've seen it around often enough but shaun finally got me into trying an affogato which is a scoop of vanilla gelato with a shot of espresso poured over top of it.

It's pure, undeniable magic.

Average Joe observation of the night:

how did freaky unattractive stalker girl survive the cut?

I'm on a week long vacation meaning instead of doing nothing at work, I'll be doing nothing at home.

edit: since everyone is asking what I'll be doing with my week off, it'll be eating, sleeping, running, playing on the xbox, watching dvds, and generally fucking off.

Lululemon has totally turned the ass knob up to 11.

One must remember when ordering a burrito supreme from taco bell, that "supreme" is a relative term there.

First it's mad cow, then avian flu, and now there's ground up hookers in my pork.

As well, once waind gets to new zealand, I'll have to start worrying about tasting him in my lamb too.

The last few days have disappeared into the hazy mist that is ninjahood.

Ninja Gaiden seems to fairly accurately simulate the life of a ninja as I know it but despite all the cool weapons I've found, I have yet to find a guitar to wail on nor has it let me pork any of the babes.

"Ninjas are sooooooooooo sweet that I want to crap my pants."

This is really embarassing to ask since I have to publicly admit to owning it... but did one of you borrow my Star Wars Episode II dvd?

I need the video setup tool that comes on the disc.

Turns out our good friend Chris Waind was once baby sat by Rick Astley.

First question anyone asked about that situation was "so, did he ever touch you?".

The opportunity of a lifetime has arrived.

Screech plays vancouver.

Nominated for "worst thing I've ever said":

Ninja Gaiden for xbox seems to be sold out everywhere already.

I was stupid to under-estimate the attraction of flipping out and chopping off heads to the general public.

Some observations about average joe:

Chicks hated the geeks. Tuesday mornings were full of girls telling me how gross all the average joes were including brian the finalist who while awkward, was at least a fairly charming guy. And I do mean hate. I think these girls wanted to beat the average joes with a bat if it didn't mean coming face to face with them. Male viewers seemed much more supportive of the average joes.

Male models are lame.

Zer was disappointed when jim, the mentally disabled chili's waiter packed with one word answers got the boot even as I wished he would just forget to keep breathing for just a moment. This lowers my opinion of her.

Girls generally seemed completely blind to Cardamone being a total dick because of his sincere apologies. They didn't seem to notice that those sincere apologies only came after big fuck ups. That's like complimenting someone on the backrubs they always give you after a domestic beating.

David Daskal is awesome. As is Fabio.

Life is just plain better when you're good looking and it's always going to be about jocks vs geeks.

Average Joe moment:
You're gonna walk away from that insane ass because she dated fabio?

You deserve to be alone.

either way though, with that ending it had to be fake.