My roommate taz is vacating the premises come july 1 (he's tired of sodomy fridays) and I'd like to keep the place I'm at since it's huge and sweet. (1200sf, gym/pool/sauna, view, balcony)

If you're looking for a place in yaletown, drop me a note (livewithernie [at] inanimate.ca). If you're the awesome type (by that I mean the type not to dip your cock into other people's peanut butter when they're out), maybe we can work something out.

Man is legally deemed a vagina, wins $340,000

One beautiful weekend, one 25km bike ride into new west and back and I've got a sore taint worth icing for a few days.

How coincidental that my current de-fat-ifying coincides with mac-donald's (I know it's technically mcDonald's, but it sounds cooler when you pronounce it 'mac' instead of 'mic') 50th anniversary double hamburger deal.

All day I dream of stuffing two of those shitty pickle and diced onion filled little packets of fun into my mouth.

The new pope looks evil.

Realizing from the hot dog and spam stew experience that I have once again become a fat and lazy piece of shit, I renewed my resolve to get back in shape. A week of eating healthy, portion controlled meals and snacks and almost daily exercise and I can already see and feel the results.

While I've decided that I wasn't up for another punishing year of running, I did decide to get back on my bike and ride like an asshole on a bike (a fitting analogy if I've ever heard one). The other benefit of riding apart from less pain and more fun adventures is that I get to listen to music while I ride.

Problem is, I listen to a lot of pretty mellow stuff. Now I need some tunes to ride to. Generally fairly uptempo but not "I'm on meth" fast. Who's got ideas for me? (this is also a chance for me and the rest of the audience to laugh at your taste in music)

I'm a little concerned for humanity in general when I see that someone felt compelled to put together a guide on how to blog without getting fired.

That I assumed that this would generally be something taken care of by means of common sense illustrates that I think too highly of the internet public, since there have been quite a few of those who have been dooced after... well, after dooce got dooced.

I on the other hand have been running this abomination to good taste for almost four years now without nary a comment from management at my company. Why? Because I haven't divulged opinions here that i wouldn't to their face. I've never explicitly stated the fact that my team at work consists primarily of sodomites and assholes (what a smashing combo eh?), because I can merely show examples of our daily routines and you would be able to deduct that yourself without me being on the hook for saying it outright. (psssst. They're reading this right now)

In case you don't feel up to sifting through that retarded blogging guide for blogging retards, here's my crib notes on safe blogging.

Further lessons on life are available on request, but you'll find that these two rules can apply very well to life in general.

Why is it that I cringe whenever I hear the phrase "never again"? Is it because we have let it happen again and again in an age where news travels at the speed of light?

Iraq, Rwanda, Bosnia-Herzegovina, and now Darfur Sudan.

Is there no aid because there's no profit to be made? Regardless of GDP, genocide is genocide.

Does anyone have a thousand US dollars they can lend me so I can pick up this totally sweet case?

I want terrorists around the world to know that when I'm playing video games, I'm playing for freedom.

If playing World of Warcraft were my job, I'd have gotten paid for overtime today.

It was bad enough having to pay $11 to go see a movie only to have manny the stuntman tell me how stealing movies was bad mmmkay? But now they're even putting these sorts of warnings on dvds.

Since pirates pride themselves on putting out the most 1337 pirated copy on the internet though, they always remove the fbi warnings and junk off the dvd that you get to steal anyway. Those who try to do the right thing and buy the movie will instead get the lecture about how they should stop stealing movies and buy them instead?. OMGWTFBBQ?

The girl took me to norboo, a crowded korean restaurant on robson tonight where we ate an frightenly large pot of what I can only describe as "spam and hotdog stew". While hindsight lets me judge this as a horrific way to introduce even more fat and sodium into my already deteriorating body, it seemed a mildy good idea at the time and even tasted good.

Reality struck me as exited the restaurant as for the first time in as long as I can remember, I thought I might honestly vomit from eating too much. I staggered down the street in a haze of bloated spicy pain, was reminded that I needed draino for my tub (maybe a consequence of thinking of what I needed for my body at this point) and got my dying ass into my car.

When I got home, much to the horror of the girl and the taz I took a moment out to go bulimic and expel a fistful of those korean demons to pre-empt the painful night I saw ahead of me.

I'm on vacation this week kids, and this is how I'm spending it.

During lunch I expressed my distaste for those who considered the tragically hip to be the pinnacle of canadian music which lead to the discussion of what, if not the hip, was (or is) the pinnacle of canadian music?

While Wave, Sky, and Snow (12 inches of yo!) sit right alongside jann arden near the top of my list, I've got to say that Rush is the awesomest Canadian band evar!

Discuss.

That's it kids. Pack your bags, we're moving to florida and I'm buying a gun.

She <3s jew cock and shows it, compares the pope to terri schiavo and has a happy september 11th card.

What's not to like about her?

Much to my dismay, it seems the vatican isn't currently accepting resumes for the popeship from outside candidates.

It feels like I'm currently spending more time living in the world of warcraft than the real world. If not for the fact that the girl got me started in the first place and plays with me online, I might be in a bit of trouble.

No longer just a stunt coordinator, now a rock legend...

Dennis Mandalone