Last week I signed papers but today I actually handed over almost every dollar I had to my name to seal the deal.

On paper, I now own a new 24th floor apartment facing the mountains and sunset in collingwood. I'll have to make sure not to fall off the balcony while ogling all the hot asian chicks in the neighborhood.

As long as MoneyMart doesn't turn down the $200,000 payday loan I asked for, I'm all set to move in in July.

Would it kill them to make a tissue box that comes in a single solid manly color or design? A black box with a jolly roger on it or even basic black?

Why must they emasculate me just for wanting to blow my nose or wipe errant splashes of wetness off of my keyboard or monitor?


Seems I bought an apartment today.

Why do parents never tell children bedtime stories of the dreaded mortgage?

Looking at how a bank will own me for the rest of my youthful existance is truly frightening.

Episode III was definitely the best of the new trilogy but that's really not saying much. Some of the actors are still a bit stiff (that yoda can act better than hayden christensen is sad), and the saber fights are great especially if you compare them to Luke's blindfolded mexican child at a pinata party style in the old trilogy.

Verdict: you don't care what I think and will/won't see it already.

While some people love to harp on how voting is a priveledge, a right, and even a duty I can fully respect someone exercising their democratic rights by not voting at all.

Grandpa did indeed fight hitler so that you could sit on your ass and eat nachos and play xbox instead of vote for some asshole who claims a bunch of bullshit because it's self serving.

btw, I voted green which is technically like sitting at home eating nachos and playing xbox instead of voting but more shameful.

I'm not sure why it is, but for the last several months the majority of the bananas I've bought will not open by hand alone. Pulling the top back with force only caused the top of the nana to mash, so I've had to resort to cutting them open.

Are we going to have to genetically re-engineer the banana for easier opening?

There are sadly, commercials that make me want to cry. The latest being for Hershey's Swoops using Tag Team's Whoop there it is (with the oh so clever "Swoops there it is!" chorus) and a bunch of retards dancing like well... a bunch of retards.

On one hand I'm thinking "That is the worst commercial ever made", but on the other hand I'm thinking "Fuck, I am never going to get that shitty ass commercial out of my head".

edit: product name amended

Canada's first Fatburger on denman I'm sure is still working through some growing pains of their pre-opening but they still managed to put out a good product.

The 1/3lb patty based Fatburger is a solid burger with a good beef base, nice bun, and high on my list, a good burger shape. The onions rings were a bit weird, as they use a very thin and almost bready crustlike batter (as opposed to breaded, or full on shell batter). The rings also tasted old after 5 minutes of being on my table, losing much of their crunchiness (I arrived late, so I didn't get to taste them when they hit the table). They have two options for fries (thich and think) and I found the thin fries fairly good, though my group wasn't as keen on them.

The one problem I could see was the price. While our meal was comped, the receipts did show what our meals would cost. A 1/3 fatburger (which is their standard burger) with bacon and cheese (additional), onion rings and a drink was $12. Now, I've paid $12 for a burger meal, but we're talking moderne burger (which of course, is the best burger in town period). I can also get a cherry coke or vanilla rootbeer mixed the old fashioned way at moderne. The fresh cut fries there are as good as the burger, the decor and music fantastic, and the owner and cook are ever present giving it a mom and pop feel that fast food franchise Fatburger will never quite have.

Fatburger is good, and I'd probably go again for the more reasonable Fat combo (burger, fries, drink) for ~$9, but with Vera's right down the street and Moderne not really that far away either, it's a bit of a tough sell. It's a step up from your typical fast food burger spot, but it's not the holy grail.

Due to my propensity to lecture everyone on food, I've finangled tickets for myself and a few coworkers (the megaboss is taking us) to a free sneak-preview meal at the new Fatburger opening on denman.

After earning myself a caloric reprieve with 52km of road tuesday, I'm going to be all over a greasy ass bacon cheeseburger like a fat kid on a greasy ass bacon cheesebu... ahhhh forget it.

My best friend (1 of 3) ted came over for a dinner of homemade chicken strips, potato salad, and green salad and due to our slight overindulgence briefly considered staying in, playing xbox and eating the night away. But determined to not let my fat ass make a reappearance we decided on ride to central park in burnaby.

Despite feeling the onset of cramps from not listening to your mom (yes, I mean your mom) and going riding right after dinner, i felt good as we neared the park and offered to show ted my route into new west. The path is gorgeous during the day, but unlit at night. Luckily for us, our bike lights dimly lit the sometimes winding and quick path for us.

21km from my apartment we stood at the northern end of the queensborough bridge in new west when ted's inability to know fear or restraint suggested that we ride into richmond before heading home. It's a quarter after 10pm and I have to work in the morning. It's at least another 25km back and the bike route through richmond consists of a poorly lit two lane road running parallel to highway 91. I've never done this before. Somehow I'm sold.

The Queensborough is not a pleasant bridge to ride. It's fast, it's relatively narrow, and there's no divider but the raised sidewalk between you and traffic. That I'm afraid of heights and the sidewalk is at parts bumpy didn't help the fast descent from the peak of the bridge which made me grip my handle bars tightly like the flimsy roller coaster bar that shifts when pushed. It reminded me very clearly why I hate riding over bridges.

Riding through richmond farmland made me think of two things. Farmland at night is colder than the city and farms smell like horseshit. We rode quickly, likely surprising the dumptrucks that drove by us in the dark with our red and white lights beating like our quickened pulses. We talked often, not letting the task at hand slow the social aspect of being in the middle of nowhere with only one friend. It was chilly, it smelled like shit and at times solvents, but it was great.

The cold made my nose run slowly, so I used my sleeve to sop up the sauce and fired what I could over the shoulder in the way that runners and bikers do when they don't want to stop until we rested briefly at a 7-11 to refuel on orange juice, water, and gummy cola bottles.

Riding back into vancouver was easier than I expected. It's a long uphill ride that I remember kicking my fat ass when i was younger and in lesser physical shape but we rode steadily, seeing quiet subdivisions we had never ventured into before and older apartments that we mocked for their generic ugliness as we weaved through quiet residential streets.

By the time I reached downtown, I could feel my legs burning like the urethras of so many southeast asian sex tourists and my back ached slightly from spending 3 hours hunched over my tiny mountain bike frame. I'll probably walk funny tomorrow like a juvenile serving time in an adult jail but 52 kilometers and 3 hours later, I'm feeling a bit euphoric for pushing myself a bit further mentally and physically than I had planned for.


This summer, if I have my way...

I'm going to take part in the eating of a whole roast pig.

If you want in, I'd rsvp me now.

edit: And I will call it "The First Annual* inanimate.ca OMGWTFBBQ!"

(* by annual, I mean once)


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