Despite my abnormal affection for technology, absolutely nobody looks cool wearing a bluetooth headset.

Particularly the jerks who still wear it while only talking to people in person.

Now that I'm finally able to get a day off of work, I don't know what to do with it.

16 straight days of work, a complete redesign, and several near breakdowns later, we have a website.

The bank (the new one) just sent me a booklet of cheques with my old address printed on them, which is weird since I opened an account with them only because they're lending me the money for my new place...

A few weeks ago, my brother phoned me from the garage asking if I had time to drive a neighbor's elderly father home just a few blocks away. While I had never actually met this neighbor (he's not a next door neighbor, and I had just moved back anyhow), i figured it'd be a neighborly thing to do and fufilled the request. It was a short drive, but it still managed to take up 20 minutes for the return trip and the time spent waiting for the father and son to finish up their conversation in the car. When we got back, he thanked me for my time and we went our seperate ways.

Tonight, just 10 minutes ago, there's a ring at the doorbell and the same neighbor stands there asking to borrow $30 from my parents who have never actually met this neighbor before. Now I'm all for neighborly relations, but making your first impression on the neighbors by asking to borrow money at 11pm is odd; my meth dealer is waiting 10 steps behind me odd in fact. The fact that there's a bank machine just at the end of the street makes it even weirder.

Now whether my parents gave him the money because they were afraid of a dark skinned man asking for money at their door late at night or whether they were just being very trusting and friendly is known only to them, and anyone who understands that asians are naturally racist and afraid of dark skinned people (at least, darker skinned than themselves) showing up on their doorsteps late at night.

I figure odds are good that he'll return the money at his earliest convenience; at least that is, if he got from our 20 minute meeting that I'm the type of person that would throw a shit covered racoon corpse through his kitchen window if he screwed my parents out of $40 (they only had twenties). It just seemed bizarre that crossing his backyard and the alley over to our place made the most sense to him rather than say, asking someone he knew.

As for me, I'm anxious to meet some of my new neighbors as I prepare to move into my new apartment. Against my mother's feng shui inspired advice that painting my main wall dark red would turn me both violent and angry (been there, done that), I'm getting ready to put my living room into a permanent period to accent the grey art and furniture I've managed to collect (and by collect, i mean to pay money in exchange for). I'm also hoping that if any neighbors do come by to borrow anything, it'll be a hello kitty-cute asian girl asking for a cup of sugar, 2 free range eggs and a heavy dose of hot throbbing oiled-up cock. Knowing my luck though, it'll be an older asian gentleman looking for exactly the same thing.

Tired from a restless night of sleep this morning, I found myself tired, angry, overworked, underpaid, out of shape, tired of living at my parent's home again, and even dumped by my girlfriend.

The upside of finding myself at the pinnacle of shit peak? I took a lesson from lance two years ago; Self pity is for losers. When life gives you shit, you make shit-ade and you make everyone else drink it while you gloat.

In three months time, I'll earn more (one way or another), be back in shape, be living in my new 24th floor condo, and work will be manageable.

In unrelated news, I can't make this shit up.
(on second thought, sure I could, but I didn't)

After seeing Ben Affleck in Deep Cove last night, all I could think about was the South Park episode where cartman's hand goes down on him and sings about taco flavored kisses.

Moderne Burger is finally open again after a neighboring fire shut them down for months.

They make, without exception the best hamburger sandwich in this city. If you tell me that Vera's makes a better burger, I will punch you in the cock. As appealing as the food itself there, is their ability to make you feel at home there. They'll chat with you, welcome you into their home and make you want to come back to enjoy the people and the atmosphere.

Go there, eat the turkey burger, and understand the joy of the best hamburger sandwich evar.

The Art of the Clean Toilet

I've been blessed with a perpetually clean toilet. The amount of effort it takes to clean is a shot of Vim and a relaxed 10 second swirl of the toilet brush once a month.

Why don't my feces cling to my toilet bowl and make me scrub them for hours to get clean?

I drop a 2000 flushes tablet (clear) in my tank every few months.

While signing papers for my mortgage, my banker offered me life insurance on my mortgage which will pay off my mortgage in the event that I die before it's paid off.

Why the fuck would I care about paying off my mortgage if I'm dead?

I hit the richmond night market finally after missing it completely for most of the last two years. I remember seeing it lit up like a consumer warzone in richmond when I flew back in from San Francisco one friday night last year as it was impossible to miss and frighteningly large even from the air.

We hit the food stalls first and I surveyed many before commiting to a single food item. The food itself isn't the greatest but darting from stall to stall picking up a skewer or a handful of food from each made it worth its while. Takoyaki, super spicy fish balls (they weren't kidding), pork and chicken skewers, empanadas, strawberry slushees, pork siu mai and haw gao, periwinkles in sauce, and nutella filled pastries piled into my stomach and I ran around in a frenzy of street meat consumption.

The non-food products were less exciting though, consisting largely of shoddily made chinese manufactured product including many name brand knockoffs that looked like shoddily made chinese manufactured name brand knockoffs. I bought a phone faceplate for my brother but after noticing it was rather shoddily made and ill-fitting was able to argue my way into a cash refund. I think I might be the only person this year who has managed that on those premises.

The night market was insanely busy with a constant stream of traffic in and out and aisles packed with a swarming mass of bodies. It was reminiscent of the temple street night market in Hong Kong in its busyness but lacked some of the more exotic items that made temple street so cool (mao t-shirts and tibetan singing bowls to name two).

Despite the immediate craziness that there is to be experience onsite, possibly the most insane thing about the night market could be that it even exists here outside of asia.

Utah woman sells head for $10k.

Honestly, I have more respect for prostitutes than for this woman. I mean, even after letting some stranger shoot his load all over your face for $100, you still have your dignity.